Waking up in the hospital was becoming the norm for me now since I have been here for 5 days straight, and my face was most definitely recognized by staff throughout the facility including the cafeteria staff, although I remain solemn and quiet walking their halls like my own personal grim reaper. I was sad, I was scared, I felt alone and confused by the conditions, enraged by the staff, and isolated by the emptiness. It was the most empty place I had been, to the point it felt abandoned at times. This place shuts down Friday after 5 becoming a ghost town, most of the patients had left because this is an outpatient surgery wing we were in. The hospital is not running as a hospital because it is changing ownership and that part is under construction. More long halls and empty rooms.
After what happened the previous night I was pretty much freaking out about my own heart thinking that I somehow, in a fluke moment being overwhelmed by my mothers' life, gave myself an episode of this Broken-Hearts Syndrome. How could this be? It is plausible, but I can't and won't at this time even mention it. If I die, I die, was my mentality. I didn't have insurance to go get it checked out, nor did I have the time to spare away from my mothers' bedside. I had to take it easy. I could not die on my mom after all of this happening to her, she needed me. We could find ourselves ping-ponging cardiomyopathy back and forth and that was not going to work.
I was going to assess myself and if I felt in danger, there is a nurse right here. All I do know is I feel my chest and it is tight all the way across my sternum making me aware of my heart at all times. (this went on for weeks)
I did mention it to several family members and they were pretty sure I was having anxiety attacks, which I have never had before in my life, yet it was leaving me in a perpetual state of fear. That sucks but it isn't a heart attack, so I went with that logic. That too makes sense. I had been in this place alone too long and my mother was taking a turn for the worse on days 5, 6, and 7. She was never "looking better" nor was there a feeling that we would ever make it home at this time.
These are some of the notes I took while I was in the hospital with my mom. I was trying to understand what in the world was going on. As I was writing this in a patient waiting area a staff member in a fancy doctor's coat came up to me and interrupted me as I was typing just to check on me and see how I am doing. I was not in the best place in my mind at this time and she probably shouldn't have expected much more from me, but she did. She goes on to ask me "How is your mother doing?" Well, I knew she already knew how my mother was doing way better than any information they were telling me so I told her "She is not doing well, and all day long every staff member that came into our room asked my mother if she was ready to be released" Then I said, "I feel like she is dying, I feel like you know she is dying and that you want to send her home to die, so she won't die in your facility." I wasn't mean, I was a matter of fact. She was a bit stunned, shook her head in a dazed way, and walked off. Another doctor to walk off when faced with the hard truth about this patient that they didn't know what to do with because they had already gone too far.
NOTES:
Catscan and ultrasound performed to check for clots due to extreme pain in legs.
She has yet to sit up
Still on O2
Cardiologist won’t stay in the room long enough to get an answer or time to ask a question
Called the family physician to see about having her moved. He suggested we suggest to have her moved. I asked the hospitalist and he said: “what could they do?” I have recorded the conversations
Lie after lie. Heart doctors want to talk about shoulder surgery only not hardly addressing the actual diagnosis at all, (i have them recorded) or even better the lady Cardiologist Dr. Smith on for Lechin office over the weekend would not speak to us or my mom other than small talk. Period. Ask about the shoulder! She would come in the room and talk about nothing to do with anything and say alrighty then and leave. None of the doctors like me, saying I "but in" on them by asking questions. Hospitalist and heads of departments I've asked direct questions about the possibility that the Narcan would have caused this and they all answered with a yes it could be the contributing factor. But then they are treating her like an outpatient surgery patient that had a stress attack.
Dr. is saying it wasn't really a heart attack just a stress thing. Yes, we know a stress thing. I have spent days studying this stress thing and it has left my mother a different mother than when we walked in for her shoulder to improve her quality of life. She has been sponge bathed one time upon my demand in 5 days, they have her in a freaking diaper and still on oxygen. When I asked her dr today about the o2 he said " you know oxygen goes up and down up and down" That was his answer.
She had several episodes with her breathing and heart rate over the weekend prompting Drs to think she had developed a blood clot. They had her wait until the next day to take the blood test D-Dimer and then when results returned positive she had just received breakfast and I forced her to try to eat because she has not eaten hardly a bite in 7 days and was 5 without iv nutrition.
They come in and cant do CATSCAN because she ate and they forgot to make her NPO so we had to wait another 4 hours for results. Everything has happened like that here. They are negligent at best. I am not sure what it is. Understaffed? Not sure but I personally believe they should have transferred her from ICU to St Joseph's in Bryan this past week instead of hiding her on the outpatient floor.
Also when the lady came to do an ultrasound on her legs to look for clots I was in the hall when she approached and she went to a different room looked in and looked at her chart then asked the nurses why her patient wasn't in the bed and they said something and she looked at me and then came to my room. What room do they have her marked as? I can not wait to have her out of here and we are counting down the minutes as my mom is lying here in her own urine knowing they don't want to change her or clean her up and agreeing that this place has not been treating her very well.
She only lived because she was stronger than they anticipated. She came here to improve her quality of life with a new shoulder and now we have new heart Drs and medicines that her insurance won't cover and therapies as well as having to care for my elderly father who she was still caring for. They live off of SS each month and this is now going to be an added hardship on this that we are all wondering how we can make it work. We promised them we would never put them in a nursing home and were on a track to make that happen and I am not willing to accept that because the hospital screwed up that we have to pay. This is an unreal mess and we need someone to help us. This entire weekend after 10pm until about 7 they would shut her door and not come in to check vitals or anything night after night. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone
The weekend is almost over and I am hoping Monday will bring the staff back to this facility to help us. It can not get here soon enough I am afraid. #Narcan #Takotsubo #MedicalCare #PaigePotPie #America
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